i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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