my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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