dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
