Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
