I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
