remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
