We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just pee around me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
