I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You don't make any sense
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