My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
