I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
