I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
