I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im six kinds of drunk right now
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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