Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
