My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Less talking, more tequila
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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