Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
