i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
