Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
