You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
