The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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