Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
