Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
