I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
