New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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