im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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