he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
