Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
