Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
