also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
