isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize