This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
a search helicopter?!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
