I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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