my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize