Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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