he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
