I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
