I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
