I cockslap morals
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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