i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
