You smell like stripper and shame
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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