I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
