got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
