He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
