I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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