i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
