jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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