My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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