I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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