did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
