i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
