he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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