so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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