those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she peed on how many people?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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