dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
