I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
