just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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