My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
