I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
