When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
