I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
