By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
