Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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