I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
try to milk me bitch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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