i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
