very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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