I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
