What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Randomize
