dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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