WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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