I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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