you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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