We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
