So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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